One Year

It always amazes me to look back on the year and see how much has changed.  It has been one year today since my Father passed away.  He fought a short and horrible battle with cancer and unfortunately didn't win.  As I have mentioned before I didn't have a realtionship with my dad.  I saw him less than a dozen times in the 27 years after my parents separated and when I did it was a short and awkward visit at best.  I went through many emotions when I found out that he was sick.  My first thoughts were mostly anger, anger that any chance I had of having a relationship with him was being taken away, anger that I felt people were going to judge me if I didn't make an effort to see him before the end and most of all anger that I even cared.  I spent many years believing that he didn't really care about me or my brother and wondered why I should care now.  Then I felt regret that as an adult I didn't make more effort to have a relationship.  I quickly decided that I would take a trip up north and see him at least once.  I joined my Aunt Gail and Uncle Jim on a trip up there that just happened to land on my dad's birthday.  It was the last time I saw him and it was a really good visit. 

Looking back at the last year I think that if there is an afterlife of some sort and if people do have the ability to look back at their family and friends i think that he would be proud of the things I have accomplished.  When I went for that visit I was only a couple of weeks into my running journey and while he didn't seem exactly proud that I was doing it he seemed happy about it.  Since that visit when I had run 16 minutes that morning (the longest run yet) I have run several 5k races, one 10k race and have started some more intense training on hills and speed.  I'm a stronger and more confident person than I was a year ago too.  I'm proud every day of what I have accomplished in the last year and hope that others are too!

Going back even a bit further it's been just over 4 years since my Grandfather passed away and I know without a doubt that he would be very happy that I am getting healthy and happy.  He commented more than once that I was getting big.  He would joke that Adrian needed to stop feeding me so well.  I often drive past the cemetary that he is in and tell him to keep watching because this is going to be great!!!