So Meaghan has been living with us for almost a month now and it's going great! We enjoy spending time together and get along well. She's helpful with the girls and has made dinner a few times so that it's ready when I get home from work. This week she's gone to visit her mom and some friends. She's been there for 24 hours and has had the worst day ever. Her so called best friend treated her like crap today and she's already had an argument with her mom. I'm hoping the rest of the week gets better for her. When she was sending me messages this afternoon I felt horrible for her. She had gone to school with this friend that had a two hour break and they were going to hang out during that time but the friend totally blew her off. Then they were supposed to hang out after school was done but she just dropped her off early so she could spend time with her boyfriend. Meag was quite hurt by this and I found myself equally as angry. How dare this girl do that to her when they had been planning this for the past week or more?
When she told me that things weren't going well I decided to ask at work about ways for her to meet new people here and didn't get the most supportive answer. I was given good answers but when I said that we were planning to get her signed up for some night classes but had to find ones that fit my schedule too and that while yes she could meet people at the mall but I would have to go with her, I was told that I shouldn't be working it with my schedule that she is 18 now and can go alone. I realize that I need to foster independence in her but I also know that she hasn't lived here since she was 8 and that while she is capable of taking the bus I would still need to show her the first time since she doesn't even know where she is going. I know I need to let go because I tell parents this all day every day. I also realized today why the parents of the people I support have such a hard time letting go. It's hard!!! I know she needs to do things on her own if she's going to meet new people but I also don't want her to be nervous or worried. I did let go that first night of her running clinic when I refused to stay with her group and she was nervous. She didn't know anyone! By the time she got back she was talking to a couple of people and the next time she was talking to more people. I know that she's a big girl and needs to be independent but when it was shoved in my face today it bothered me. It made me feel like I was being judged as a parent and I didn't like it. It also made me look at the way I do things in my job and made me realize that maybe when we are telling parents that they need to let go and allow independence we could be facing resistance more because we're hurting feelings and sounding judgemental rather than because parents don't want to let go. I will still push for independence in the people I support but I will do so in a much more gentle way from now on. This is what I learned today!
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