Reverse Resolution

A few weeks ago I joined a group on Facebook.  The goal?? Lose 20lbs before the New Year.  It was a sort of way to keep on track over the holidays and to have a support group to go to when things get tough.  The first few weeks have sucked for me.  I am moving more than I was but my eating is off the hook bad.  I am so aware of this but honestly just haven't cared.  Today I decided to start caring again.  I am absolutely addicted to junk food.  There isn't much I won't eat and I can be very impulsive about it.  Today I have decided to get myself back in control of that.  The next few weeks will be riddled with food, get togethers and drinks.  I will make the best possible choices.  In January I always go for my yearly physical and I want to see continued downward results in the numbers.  I want to see and feel the results.  

Last week I went to gravity class again for the first time in ages.  I went a lot when the class first started then the timing was off but now there is a class right after the girls swim.  Last week I hurt for days after that class.  I had to skip a run because just walking hurt too much.  I walked the same length I would have run but there was no way a run was happening.  Yesterday I did the class again.  The moves were similar but not quite the same.  Every move was done on both sides, then one side and the other.  She called it a unilateral workout.  I expected immense pain this morning.  I had a very slight ache!!  Nothing really hurt.  I was disappointed!!!  So tonight I pulled out a ladder workout I had been given.  I should have run but by the time we got home time was limited so this was more bang for my buck so to speak.  I am hoping I can manage a run after work tomorrow but if I don't Satuday it will be!!!  

On the weekend I am going to be super brave and take real before pictures.  Although they aren't true before since I have already lost about 40lbs over the last 4 years. They will be what I judge all my results in though.  If I'm really brave I may post those so that I have a real out there before!  I will update my pictures every 12 weeks.  It's on now!!!

Pondering

Four years ago today my father passed away.  I never really knew him.  My parents divorced when I was 5 and he remarried shortly after.  He didn't visit much.  His family did and I am fairly close to my aunt, his sister.  She called one night just after I had started running to tell us that he had been diagnosed with cancer and didn't have long.  I was very conflicted on what I should do.  I felt like I needed to see him but at the same time I guess I held some anger towards him for never making an effort to know his kids.  In the end I decided that I was now an adult and could make the effort myself. My aunt and uncle were going to see him so I tagged along. The day we went I was supposed to run 16 minutes.  That seemed like forever at that time.  I decided to get up early to get that run done and to think before we saw him.  I wasn't worried about how he would look or the illness.  I just wanted him to see that after all those years I was around.  I wanted to show him pictures of his granddaughters.  I did those things and he seemed pleased.  My aunt later told me that our visit made his day.  That was the last time I saw him and I felt like it was a good visit.  Closure maybe.

My aunt made a point to tell him that I had run that morning.  At that point I had no clue where this journey was heading. I had no idea that I would finish that running clinic and go on to run 10k and half marathons.  Often during tough runs I will think of people who are no longer with me and hope they are there pushing me a little.  I live about 5 minutes away from my grandfathers house and often run by there.  I was very close with my grandpa.  On those really tough runs when I am almost home and need that extra push I will ask grandpa for that extra push to get me to the end.  I have no idea if they are there or if I'm being silly but I'll keep doing it because I like to think they are there.  I hope that I am making them all proud with this new life and that they are there at all the finish lines.  

Uh October?

Well October didn't go at all as planned.  I was sick, sick, sick! Started out okay but got hit by the cold from hell just before Thanksgiving and it lasted a good two weeks.  Just got better and had a good run then BAM!  Stomach bug!  Seriously?!?!?  Can I catch a break please?? 

Honestly I don't even know my run total for the month but it probably isn't more than 10k.  

Of course after the cold I struggled just to get my groove back.  It's way too easy for me to just quit exercising and way to hard to get myself back out there.  I am doing it though.  Tonight was a wicked awesome run.  It was forty minutes on the treadmill and it felt awesome!  

I am part of a group on Facebook that's members are all people who have lost or are losing large amounts of weight. Just what I needed.  I've looked to them a lot lately for inspiration and motivation when mine is waning. It's odd to feel so connected to people I have never met but this group has been awesome.    I have several people in my real life that are super supportive and that have helped me along the way to where I am now.  They have always supported what I am doing and listened or offered advice when I struggle.  I wouldn't be where I am without them but none of them have lost 100lbs or more and there is something about someone who has been through the struggles and come out on the other side.  

November is looking to be a great one.